| Writings |
Rae |
Past |
Visuals |
But if your heart's not in it, for real.
Please dont try to fake what you dont feel.
If love's already gone,
Its not fair to lead me on.
Cause, i would give the whole world, for you.
Anything you'd ask of me, i'll do.
But i wont ask you to say,
I'd rather walk away.
If your heart's not in it.
i'm contemplating on whether i should be such a busybody bitch today.
so much so, I REALLY WANT TO FIND OUT!
raaahhh.
some pple are just so irksome/disgusting/shameless.
they should simply just go stand in front of the mirror and look at how ugly they are themselves lah.
you ought to be shot. mrs chow would say.
yes yes, you definitely ought to be shot.
i feel so much like sunshine after the rain.
raaaahh, thank you all who have been there for me all these days.
digressing, i'm having chem pract later.
this explains why i'm blogging at this hour huh.
19 long months,
and i wish many many more.
a lifetime?
RAAAHH. slaps myself*
i got to settle down for some serious mugging alr.
how much time have i wasted,
how much time do i have left?!?!?!
let nothing affect me. nodds
i'm currently looking for a gf,
anyone? (:
*slaps myself once again
when the tough gets going, when the going gets tough,
i'll be there.
-
and perhaps it was never sunshine after the rain.
and perahps she was never happy after all.
walking down memory lane,
she thought abt everything they went through together.
everything, every small little thing.
i have them all, you dont have.
thats such a pathetic phrase to comfort herself.
the future seems to bleak,
give her strength to carry on.
and i swear,
if you come back in my life.
i'll be there till the end of time.
and i swear,
i'll keep you right by my side.
cos baby you're the one i want.
the song plays in the background,
stirring much emotions within.
the battle has ended,
she has lost.
everything.
including her life.
you're my life.
she badly needs a hug.
the optimist in the day,
the exact antithesis at night when pessimistism kicks in.
pillows soaked, as she braved the long lonely night.
seconds seemed like minutes, minutes seemed like hours.
despondent, noone there to share her pain.
now i'm left wid all these pain, i only got myself to blame.
bruised and battered, torn and shattered all inside.
memories flashbacks gave her something to fall back on.
fortunately, she had gifts from the endeared one.
reminiscing the past, wishing to share such moments wid the beloved.
baby rae's going through the growing stage;
sometimes she wonders,
are setbacks really there to make one stronger
or are they there to show you how weak and useless you are?
ronnie spoke his words wif certain ambiguity.
not worth it, three words he kept repeating.
when you get pass this difficult period, you're promised an even stronger, wiser rae.
she understood, but her heart seemed to disagree.
stop living in self-denial.
if you love a person, face it.
why tell the person you hate her?
if you really love a person, there will never be a day where you'll come to hate her, no matter what.
the weaker side of her surfaces,
the rare moments of her crying in front of others.
the facade of smiles and laughter.
does anyone even understands how she feels inside?
and her story ended with,
the princess and the prince lives happily ever after.
sitting on the sofa, letting life go by.
thinking about the early days, thinkin about the times when i hurt you with my crazy ways.
did i mention how my life is always written in the lyrics of songs?
lying in yr arms,
so close together.
didnt know just what i had.
now i toss and turn,
cause i'm without you.
how i'm missing you so bad.
where was my head, where was my heart?
and now i cry alone in the dark.
i lie awake, i drive myself crazy.
dirve myself crazy thinking of you.
made a mistake when i let you go baby,
i drive myself crazy wanting you the way that i do.
i was such a fool,
i couldnt see it.
just how you were good to me.
you confessed yr love, undying devotion.
i confessed my need to be free.
and now i'm lefft wid all these pain,
i only got myself to blame.
why kiss and hug me,
tell me you love me?
why make me cry,
real bad?
this blog will be left stagnant until 1st sep 2005.
thank you for your understanding.
i drive myself crazy.
welcome back to the lesbian world.
dd met her daddy after so long!
okays, she seldoms sees her daddy.
and she's happy that daddy's back.
she loves her daddy too much.
her daddy loves her too much too!
what did i do to deserve friends like them?
wanru and my joleen sister to come up wid super cute mindmaps to really cheer me up.
mingming aw to hug me and lift me up, and dont want to put me down.
novia aw to be so happy welcoming me back.
(psst.mingming and novia are cousins.=)!)
my partner to let me grab her shoulders and shake her like crazy.
and ms nair, for taking care of me when i'm not feeling too well today.
she made me a mug of hot milo!
(i didnt finish it though.felt abit bad when i poured some away.:|)
yes, today didnt go too well.
i'm not exactly feeling too well.
in simpler words, i'm sick again.
and something's certainly wrong wid my heart and mind,
i cant stop thinking of you.
and i bought my ipod earphones,
it costed me 69 bucks okay!
BOOHOOHOO.
i'll be there for you,
these five words i swear to you.
and when you breathe, i want to be the air for you.
i'll be there for you.
i only want you.
i know you're dependent.
and so let me be your pillar.
ferr life.
you can lean on me.rely on me.ferr everythin.i'l give you a good life.
yea baby.
come ta me.i need you now.
you're mine.mine alone.forever.
no one can take you away.or i'l die.
ferr you're the only air that i breathe.
sugar.
(okay, i digged this up from somewhere. and its really sweet.)
happily ever after? yes.
she no longer walked wid her nose up in the air,
she no longer flared at anyone available.
she no longer wanted to find anyone to scream at,
she's changed.
and she felt sorry for the endeared one.
i'm sorry,
these are the truly deepest words from her heart.
she felt like she was treated like a fool by everyone.
she was kept in the dark.
even her friends didnt tell her anything.
she didnt have a single clue what was going on.
yes, EVERYBODY knew.
she froze when she heard the shocking news.
she didnt know how to react.
her heart seemed like it was being stabbed so many times.
now she believes in retribution.
i'll be there for you,
these five words i sweat to you.
when you breathe i want to be the air for you.
its alright,
sunshine after the rain, like always!
she will always love BEATRICE WEE,
cos right now she reminds her of the rainbow she made for her last time.
yes, a rainbow to show how blessed she is.
we belong together
she didnt know what pain really felt like, until today.
those words shattered her heart, breaking it into a million tiny pieces.
she could no longer control all the emotions swept within.
and her sudden outburst shocked everyone, even herself.
its been months since she felt this way.
and she could blame noone, but herself, for being in such a state now.
she wished she could turn back the hands of time,
and correct all the mistakes she have made.
regrets, her life's full of them now.
and yet she could do nothing abt them.
all she did and could do was to cry.
whats the point of crying over spilled milk? she knew that.
whats gone is gone, she knows too well.
she cant accept though.
her princess temper has always got her what she wanted.
she never learnt to treasure, to cherish.
but too everything for granted.
memories lingering so vividly,
everything reminds her of the one.
everything they did together.
she's feeling so flushed,
having barely recovered from her fever.
she needs noone, but you.
will you be there to wipe of her tears of agony?
HEY EVERYONE!
I'M BACK.
YES YES,
RAE RAE IS BACK.
3 cheers okay?
australia was pretty cold,
now thats its the winter season.
(end of winter, near spring though)
vistied both the countryside and the urban city of brisbane.
i want to live at the countryside forever.
i tell you! living at the countryside can extend yr lifespan by at least 10years!
its so peaceful and quiet.
there are parrots and sparrows and ducks and so many wild animals.
i want a pony of my own,
PRETTY PLEASE?
australia has the most beautiful sky,
it doesnt have clouds.
and you know whats the effect during the night?
an endless vast sky filled wid million of stars.
and when i say million, i mean it.
it was the most beautiful thing i ever saw in my entire life okay.
and i was the one who discovered it first!
and i shared it wid everyone. (:
if i could, i would lay down on the grass and spend my night outside.
too bad the weather was too cold.
you know, looking up at the stars,
you see them so close to you.
damn, it was so beautiful.
now i know where's the ideal place for star-gazing.
dream world and movie world was pretty okay.
its my third time there alr,
hence i didnt enjoy the rides very much.
and you know what?!?!?!
i forgot to bring a component of my camera charger along.
so i didnt really take alot of pictures.
boohoohoo.
shopping was pretty alright,
my daddy has ten holes in his pocket alr i think!
korean guys are so cute!
korean shows are so sweet okay.
i caught two korean shows, my bf is type B and romance of their own;
alot like love, miss congeniality and the notebook on the plane.
and the flight to and back was so long!
i'm feeling pretty weak now.
yes, i tend to get sick after coming back from a holiday.
pictures will be uploaded,
depending on my mood.
HOHO.
everything came flooding back.
i missed you so much.
like after so many months and stuff,
raahhh. i seriously dont know what i'm thinking.
when you left, i lost a part of me.
you are the one.
-
okay, fine.
i'm currently radiating heat at 38.4degrees.
great, i'm running a fever.
and i cant find a single soul to talk to me.
i have a physics test tomorrow.
and i've decided to not study for it.
HEAD SO HOT HOW TO STUDY.
yes, i'm upset.
byebye.
yupp yupp,
i'll be catching a night flight to australia tomorrow.
PLEASE MISS ME.
so much for now,
i've been through ups and downs these few days.
(thank you dear pris for me there,
and is willing to walk a thousand miles to see my besutiful face!)
i know i've been drawing myself away from everyone, especially you all.
all i can say is, i'm sorry,
i really need some time alone.
(:
Rachel / Rae
24th nov 1989
raeraerae_@hotmail.com
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